As I enter month 7 of being single (realistically, month 2 since my ex and I were still communicating, and I have seen a lack of shots being shot towards me – my Instagram page is open, people), I have decided to be more open with talking to others just for fun. As a 24-year-old, I have never truly experienced singledom as an adult, and now that I am living in my first apartment with a roommate and experiencing life more, it is the best time to figure out what I want and don’t want. However, the first (and only) time I did that this month went completely south, but it did bring about humorous lessons (and good stories to share with friends and co-workers).
I reconnected with a person I knew in high school and whom I have not seen in 7 years. We had talked from time to time, but we were either in relationships or busy or just not interested. I decided to grab drinks with the person when they were in town and had planned to see him again when he came back because it truly ended up being a fun night. However, in realizing we had mutual friends (media is a small world, FYI), things came out of left field that would be perfect for a show (Netflix, hit me up).
On a Sunday, my co-worker (the mutual acquaintance) hit me up on the company Slack to say not to touch the person I reconnected with. As soon as I knew scalding tea was coming my way, I redirected our conversation to iMessage because I was not about to have my Slack conversation flagged by our IT. It turns out the person who I thought was pretty cool was causing havoc in another part of the country. Havoc could mean not wanting a relationship, or lying about the money he is making. No, with this one, it was straight chaos.
From seeing 3 girls all on Valentine’s Day (think breakfast, lunch, and dinner on such a vulnerable holiday) to lying about why his last employment ended to having journals about each girl he has been with to saying I was all up in his DMs (as though we don’t live in a world where screenshots and digital messages can be pulled up) to thriving off of manipulation with past situationships and more, the list went on and on. I was in shock when my co-worker told me everything, but not upset. I was more so thinking, “this is what I have to put up with when talking to a new guy?!”
I quickly realized this was not an acquaintanceship that was worth continuing. My life has its own mess; I don’t need to take on the mess of others. However, I will say that the experience inspired me to start up the blog again, and it came with a few lessons:
Lesson One: Take everything (and situation) with a grain of salt. Whoever you talk to, date, or get into a relationship with will only share what they believe is necessary. Go with the flow, have fun, but know that not everything has been shared just yet.
Lesson Two: Transparency and honesty are key, regardless of the stage of the friendship or situationship. Don’t let the person waste your time if they are not looking for the same thing, but don’t waste that person’s time either.
Lesson Three: Do not become pressed about anything. Things happen and come and go. Nothing is as serious as it feels in the moment, and you will look back and realize how much of a speck the moment was in comparison to the rest of your life.
Lesson Four: You will know when you are ready. In talking to my parents (who are reaching their 27th marriage anniversary – gross) about my mid-20s life crisis (which will be my next blog post, so get ready), I complained and cried about not even being close to being with the person I might marry. However, times have changed, and things happen when it’s the right moment, not when it’s forced. For now, I am just having fun.
Lesson Five: Remember that, while you may live in NYC, someone knows someone who knows someone. The world is small, and NYC is even smaller. So, calculate your movements wisely during this Hot Girl or City Boys Summer.
Lesson Six: Get your drinks paid for you. Leave your credit card in your wallets. The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown (insert Destiny’s Child’s “Jumpin’, Jumpin'”).
Moral of the story: enjoy the present, but always think about what’s worth it and not.